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December 23rd, 2001


newdefault
Posted on 2001.12.23 at 00:47
*exhales*

*collects self*

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i hate this end-of-the-year depression i always get.

i can see this pattern repeating itself annually...

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so i've had the Completely Shitty Breakup, that's usually the first part.

if things progress on schedule, sometime in the next two weeks i'll be presented with an opportunity that seems like a good idea, but in reality is an incredibly bad one...

& after that, i throw away another year of my life trying to make something work with someone whose incompatibilities with myself i'm willing to turn a blind eye to in order to feel some sort of fleeting validation. (i love run-on sentences. fuck you.)

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but seeing as i recently turned down what was at once a Really Attractive Proposal and an Incredibly Bad Idea, maybe i've already broken the cycle.

doing so cost me a friend, and a lover.

at least one of each.

possibly even two of each.

do not ask me to explain that.

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blah, one in the morning, and i'm wide awake at my parents, with the 8th i just bought safely stashed somewhere *at home*.

hopefully, that will seem more like it was a good idea sometime in the near future.
right now it very much does not.
fuck me, am i really going to make it to friday?
well, tonight will be the worst.
fuck withdrawal.
fuck psychological withdrawal^2, because i know this is all in my head, and i want it anyway.

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kinda/sorta wanna go to that party. oh well.

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yeah, ok, i'm done.

newdefault

qotd

Posted on 2001.12.23 at 13:02
"Given a second chance, most people fuck it up completely."

-douglas copland, _girlfriend in a coma_

newdefault
Posted on 2001.12.23 at 20:06
yay, bought xmas presents for the family.

2 hardback novels for mom; one a political drama, one a historical drama.
a bottle of habanero sauce and some chili beans (whose claim to fame is being "fart-free") for dad.
a memorex mp3 discman for the brother.

& since a 15-mile bike ride was involved in getting all of that, i got my workout for the week as well.

talked to her last night. not sure what to make of it.
talked to someone else afterwards- felt better. thank you.

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