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November 20th, 2001



Posted on 2001.11.20 at 01:18
Mood: restlessrestless
Music: Nirvana - Plateau
fucking christ, it cannot still only be tuesday morning after a day like that.

the most frustrating part of IT work has to be when people complain to you that something's broken, and it turns out to be a direct result of them ignoring your instructions.

the second most frustrating part is still microsoft.

wish i was tired...
wish daily show wasn't a repeat...
wish i could figure out what f***ing year this yz125 engine is so i can buy a gasket set and engine cover for it, & get it installed...

but in front of all these minor annoyances, i'm still ok.

i can consider and analyze my own mental state at the moment and at least think "not bad".

there are still things and people in each day that said day would be more pleasant *without*, of course, but either i'm running across these things more infrequently or i'm just learning to take them in stride.

...or i could be still enjoying this dexedrine, which is not at all unlikely what with my diet consisting nearly entirely of diuretics today.

Posted on 2001.11.20 at 14:00
Mood: stressedstressed
Music: C-Tec - Chosen


FUCK pacbell & their shitty unreliable DNS servers. you'd think they could provide DSL customers with proper fucking NAME RESOLUTION services; that shit's kinda important if they wanna get on the INTERNET.


Posted on 2001.11.20 at 14:27
Music: A Perfect Circle - Libras
(cuz alan did it first and i'm idly waiting for a phone call back from my 2nd contract)

MY HAIR: was damn near black about 3 weeks ago but is getting lighter.
MY MAKEUP: is nonexistent.
MY DREAM: is forever deferred.
MY OBSESSION: is to understand myself to the fullest extent possible.
MY MOST ATTRACTIVE FEATURE: ...is my greater-than-average height, i guess.
MY FAVORITE THING TO DO: is get an adrenaline kick from high velocity or loud music.
I'M WEARING: black kiks (surprise, surprise) and the long-sleeved t-shirt i got at the tool concert.
I'M EATING: nothing.
I'M LISTENING TO: whatever's playing in winamp.
I'M FEELING: like you have to tread water hard to stay afloat these days.
I'M THINKING: of the desert.
I SEE: afterimages from lack of sleep.
I FIND: solace in an empty bed more easily than i used to.
I WANT: true and complete independence from the world.
I HAVE: potential, still.
I WISH: i'd foregone fun for responsibility a little more in the past.
I LOVE: when that hot blonde chick on the train keeps glancing over every 5 minutes.
I HATE: more than i used to.
I MISS: the feeling of freedom that came with not knowing everything the world required of me.
I FEAR: being 40-hours-a-week until i die.
I SMELL: desperation.
I WONDER: if this was all for nothing.

Posted on 2001.11.20 at 15:26
Music: Tool - Hush

well, it's stressful when shit breaks, but at least it's nice to be able to easily diagnose and fix it remotely over the phone.


it just does not end... now that i've managed to circumvent some of the DNS bullshit, their outsourced email service is being flaky. i'd already have an exchange server set up and running there if it weren't for flakiness on someone else's part. grph.

this all really smacks of that life-as-a-fractal thing i was speaking of a few weeks ago.

this morning i was walking along the edge of st james park in san jose on the way to get my morning coffee shot- sitting on a bench in the middle of the park is a hefty, sizable, bearded & ponytailed vietnam-vet looking character, wearing those mirrored sunglasses (a la "respect mah authoritah").

out of the corner of my eye i see him look directly at me a second before he yells "what the hell is all this bullshit?!" loud enough to be heard from one end of the park to the other.

i look back at him (while still walking), and extend my arms palms-up a little to the side and shrug in my best non-verbal conveyance of "what... you're asking *me*?"

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