July 18th, 2001


(no subject)


rock bottom. i hope this is it.

i woke up at 11:30 this morning, got on the bus by 1, got to work by 2:30. did nothing for 4 hours. discovered i won't be getting the paycheck that was supposed to come on monday until friday. left.

caught the bus to Pep Boys, who did not have a battery for my scooter. neither did Kragen, nor the hog shop at san carlos & park. the friendly dude at the latter, however, referred me to a place on the alameda called Indian Motorcycles that he *says* carry scooter parts; on my way there i was stopped by 2 different people; one wanted/needed money so i gave him the last $10 i had. the other wanted to know where the nearest health club was...(?) so i pointed him towards the SJ Athletic Club down the street.

i went to Indian and they'd closed at 6 (it was 8 by this point)- didn't see too much scooter-type stuff but we'll see in a few hours, i guess.

i smoked a fat resin ciggy at about midnight and passed out till 3. then i woke up, and haven't been able to sleep since.

but one good thing did happen today (yesterday? insomnia's like tweaking, without sleep all the days blend...). wells fargo cancelled the wierd $110 of charges that were put on my card friday night. between this and miki spotting me $120, i should be okay until the next check comes.

ambient music with voices in the background is not good music for insomnia.

i fucking hate public transportation. i hate depending on other people to get around, be them friends or bus drivers.

kir said what i've been feeling for months. life is just working and fighting and treading water your fucking hardest just to stay afloat. i don't want to stay afloat anymore... i'm so tired.