went to bed feeling ok this morning at about 3am, but before i got to sleep i was hit with a major wave of depression.
don't know where it came from.
finally fell asleep, & then woke up feeling fine at half past noon.
i've decided i should stop trying to make myself understood to people.
if they don't get it, fuck them. i'll find someone who does.
went to an xmas eve service with the family tonight.
the preacher made some disparaging comment about "paganism" in the world-
it was then i was struck with how *incredibly hypocritical* that was of him, because he made that statement while standing next to a christmas tree (show me where in the bible that came from), in the middle of a ceremony that involved lighting 5 candles (for mary, the wise men, angel gabriel, & i forget the other two). if that ceremony didn't have a "pagan" flavor to it...
it never really hit me until that point how fucking retarded the past thousand years worth of holy wars have been- because from what i've seen, with the exception of a few eastern religions that still remain more of a "way of life" rather than a religion per se, everyone's saying the same goddamned thing a different way, dressing the same dead horse up in different garb and proceeding to beat the shit out of it with a different blunt object.
at that same xmas eve service, ran into a girl named sarah that i went to faith christian with, before i left for san jose and lynbrook- had a crush on her back then, but as a member of a lower social caste at the school, it was simply not meant to be at the time.
she insisted i call her while i'm still in town.
my validation for the day.
dude. the history channel rocks. right now i'm watching several hours' worth of automotive history programs- 2 hours ago was german racing in the 1930s (mostly mercedes and "auto group", later to become Audi or VAG depending on who you ask), after that bugatti (yum), and this hour's on carroll shelby (someday, i will build a tube-frame GT40 with a turbo SVO mustang engine)...
awright, i'm done.