*collects self*
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i hate this end-of-the-year depression i always get.
i can see this pattern repeating itself annually...
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so i've had the Completely Shitty Breakup, that's usually the first part.
if things progress on schedule, sometime in the next two weeks i'll be presented with an opportunity that seems like a good idea, but in reality is an incredibly bad one...
& after that, i throw away another year of my life trying to make something work with someone whose incompatibilities with myself i'm willing to turn a blind eye to in order to feel some sort of fleeting validation. (i love run-on sentences. fuck you.)
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but seeing as i recently turned down what was at once a Really Attractive Proposal and an Incredibly Bad Idea, maybe i've already broken the cycle.
doing so cost me a friend, and a lover.
at least one of each.
possibly even two of each.
do not ask me to explain that.
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blah, one in the morning, and i'm wide awake at my parents, with the 8th i just bought safely stashed somewhere *at home*.
hopefully, that will seem more like it was a good idea sometime in the near future.
right now it very much does not.
fuck me, am i really going to make it to friday?
well, tonight will be the worst.
fuck withdrawal.
fuck psychological withdrawal^2, because i know this is all in my head, and i want it anyway.
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kinda/sorta wanna go to that party. oh well.
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yeah, ok, i'm done.
