i hate this end-of-the-year depression i always get.
i can see this pattern repeating itself annually...
so i've had the Completely Shitty Breakup, that's usually the first part.
if things progress on schedule, sometime in the next two weeks i'll be presented with an opportunity that seems like a good idea, but in reality is an incredibly bad one...
& after that, i throw away another year of my life trying to make something work with someone whose incompatibilities with myself i'm willing to turn a blind eye to in order to feel some sort of fleeting validation. (i love run-on sentences. fuck you.)
but seeing as i recently turned down what was at once a Really Attractive Proposal and an Incredibly Bad Idea, maybe i've already broken the cycle.
doing so cost me a friend, and a lover.
at least one of each.
possibly even two of each.
do not ask me to explain that.
blah, one in the morning, and i'm wide awake at my parents, with the 8th i just bought safely stashed somewhere *at home*.
hopefully, that will seem more like it was a good idea sometime in the near future.
right now it very much does not.
fuck me, am i really going to make it to friday?
well, tonight will be the worst.
fuck psychological withdrawal^2, because i know this is all in my head, and i want it anyway.
kinda/sorta wanna go to that party. oh well.
yeah, ok, i'm done.