somewhere past 10 years ago, i was part of a group that i considered the modern equivalent of the 3 musketeers.
since then:
-one of us foundered about, a lot, then made a decision that changed his life for the better and got back on track -one of us sold out, had a kid, and became someone that i don't really want to talk to anymore -one of us dove into lovecraft's abyss and i don't know if anyone can drag him back out
If you cannot work out whether your present situation, challenge, relationship et al is yet another state of unconscious self-sabotage despite the fact you feel deprived, drink.
If you notice that you unconsciously but consistently put yourself into situations that deprive you of your resources and move you further away from your goals, drink.
Drink if you aren’t sure whether you are assuming too much responsibility for your own current unhappiness or not enough.
If you aren’t sure whether you are repeatedly failing to reach a personal set of behavioral goals or simply consistently feeling inadequate no matter how hard you work, drink.
Well, there's the 4 I had at the bar after work, anyway. Fuck you, Voltaire, I've decided uncertainty is actually worse.
in the meantime, i've gotten laid off again and found an even better job- i can say i'm a "software engineer" now- "onward and upward", as a good friend of mine likes to say.
i've moved out of san jose, which kinda turned into a shithole and the parts that didn't had cultural values that i hated. i live in a really nice and peaceful place, on a peninsula in the middle of the san francisco bay now.
my relationship with theresa persists, and after review, makes me feel unhappy more than it makes me happy- but i'm still playing music, and that makes me happy sometimes.
but the reason i came here to post is to say i miss my father. he was a fucking asshole, but that taught me to expect people to be assholes, and most of them are are, so i guess i owe him thanks for the lesson, and i miss him.
i probably wouldn't believe me either, but i'm gonna tell you all what i just saw.
i was walking back from the corner store when an asian guy getting out of his car caught my attention- he was pointing up into the sky and saying "what's that?"
i figured he was probably drunk or on drugs, but when i turned around and looked where he was pointing, there were about a dozen bright yellow lights ascending into the sky from the west, heading east and up.
i live near LAX, and flights from that airport are all westbound, you leave the runway and go out over the ocean... and there is never more than one plane a minute leaving... this was a disorganized string, they would have had to be leaving one a few seconds after the next.
the wierdest thing was, as they headed east they didn't disappear across the other horizon... they went up until they got fuzzy and faded away.
i don't know of any aircraft we have that can do that... so yeah, strangest shit i have ever seen. i wish i'd had my phone on me, but it was charging, and by the time i thought to run back to the house, grab it, and go back outside, the last two lights were about to disappear.