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newdefault
Posted on 2002.02.15 at 14:32
Mood: stressedstressed
Music: Skindive - In For The Kill
so yeah- that $200 (of the $1000 paycheck i was supposed to get on the first) is gone. we're not getting paid until tuesday. i'm now owed $1800 past due, can't pay rent, and i have now gone from "early" to "eating up the grace period" on my loan payment.

i *despise* being out of money. when i'm in a situation like this it occupies a good half of my available mental capacity at any given time. (this is why i didn't post yesterday; i opted for silence over whining- but apparently i need to whine.) i feel like there's something hanging over my head at any moment that i happen to be conscious- and self-awareness becomes more and more painful at times like this, which makes it much easier to just go back and hide in the haze again...

it almost seems like there's no point to even giving up; like it's too late to forfeit because i've already lost. i feel at a breaking point, like i'm going to lose it, only i don't know what i've left to lose. feels like sanity's fading fast and fuck that last match that goes out before you can light your cigarette, leaving you with a bare pice of cardboard and an unlit smoke.

Comments:


Lynn
alceria at 2002-02-15 15:18 (UTC) (Link)
Fuck this shit Jason, get a real job. They can't string you along like this. It's bullshit. Or go back and tell them that you can't make it work on the money they are giving you and they either need to step up and do the right thing or your gone. Stand up for yourself! Stop letting these fuckers have their way with you!

Oh, and you have a court date in 12 days. I shall be reminding you again. :)
Generation Y's Howard Beale
dk at 2002-02-15 18:13 (UTC) (Link)
i got another string-me-along check for $300, and learned that we're not going to be "caught up" next week, we're just going to be "paid".

this is really fucking disappointing. it's gonna get ugly on tuesday if i don't have enough for both payments.

this really pisses me off more than anything else because with the budget i *should* have, i've got plenty of breathing room (enough to fit in plans to buy engine & gas-tank for my motorcycle); but who knows what i'll end up having.

heh- so i've taken a bunch of typing tests- i can pull 100wpm at 95% accuracy. i think a trip to midtown san jose tomorrow is probably going to involve a trip to a temp agency as well as a run by hot topic so i can finally blow that $50 gift certificate from my brother @ xmas...

for now, i'm off to see if they need an extra theatre geek out in sunnyvale. good thing i'm wearing black already...
super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis
skrape at 2002-02-16 14:05 (UTC) (Link)
We don't need more techs, but that doesn't mean you should stop stopping by. :P
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