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Posted on 2001.12.23 at 00:47
*exhales*

*collects self*

---

i hate this end-of-the-year depression i always get.

i can see this pattern repeating itself annually...

---

so i've had the Completely Shitty Breakup, that's usually the first part.

if things progress on schedule, sometime in the next two weeks i'll be presented with an opportunity that seems like a good idea, but in reality is an incredibly bad one...

& after that, i throw away another year of my life trying to make something work with someone whose incompatibilities with myself i'm willing to turn a blind eye to in order to feel some sort of fleeting validation. (i love run-on sentences. fuck you.)

---

but seeing as i recently turned down what was at once a Really Attractive Proposal and an Incredibly Bad Idea, maybe i've already broken the cycle.

doing so cost me a friend, and a lover.

at least one of each.

possibly even two of each.

do not ask me to explain that.

---

blah, one in the morning, and i'm wide awake at my parents, with the 8th i just bought safely stashed somewhere *at home*.

hopefully, that will seem more like it was a good idea sometime in the near future.
right now it very much does not.
fuck me, am i really going to make it to friday?
well, tonight will be the worst.
fuck withdrawal.
fuck psychological withdrawal^2, because i know this is all in my head, and i want it anyway.

---

kinda/sorta wanna go to that party. oh well.

---

yeah, ok, i'm done.

Comments:


invisible imaginaries
miss_geek at 2001-12-23 01:22 (UTC) (Link)
weed is no good... really... i mean, not at all trying to sound preachy, but you could do without it. i was a total pot head for the longest time and all it ever did for me was make me lose my memory. honestly... if one must do drugs... why do the one that makes you hungry, tired, and stupid...?

anyway... good luck with the family this week....
Generation Y's Howard Beale
dk at 2001-12-23 01:29 (UTC) (Link)
why do the one that makes you hungry, tired, and stupid...?

because it also makes me forget, or at least allows me to not think about something. (no something in particular, because i know it sounds like that... maybe i should just say "not think".)

wouldn't mind being tired right now.

but yeah, the memory loss thing does suck.
invisible imaginaries
miss_geek at 2001-12-23 01:45 (UTC) (Link)
my desire to smoke pot ended when i was about 17. it just didn't make sense to me anymore... i'm not against it or anything, don't get me wrong... but i just don't see the good in it. and i *don't* forget when i'm high... it just makes me more depressed...

dude... are you online right now?
♥ karina ♥
karina at 2001-12-23 17:53 (UTC) (Link)

The pre/post holiday depression phase

It's amazing how many people go through the holidaze and feel some form of depression or another. I hope you feel better.
I've essentially wanted to wish you a glorious Winter Solstice and Happy Holidaze.

Happy Holidaze
Generation Y's Howard Beale
dk at 2001-12-23 19:59 (UTC) (Link)

Re: The pre/post holiday depression phase

thank you =)

hope stuff is doing ok on your end...
♥ karina ♥
karina at 2001-12-25 04:57 (UTC) (Link)

Re: The pre/post holiday depression phase

It's been better, but I'm surviving, my father is officially on his path towards death now... hopefully he won't suffer much longer, grandfather went into the hospital last thursday, i'll be at two hospitals on xmas. bleh, wish me luck -- other than that - can't complain - life is good. Hope things are well on your end too.
Generation Y's Howard Beale
dk at 2001-12-25 15:54 (UTC) (Link)

Re: The pre/post holiday depression phase

at the moment, they're better than i can remember them being in a while.

*hug*
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